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After every sexual escapade my friends and I enjoyed in college, we'd ask each other one very big, important question: "Was he packing the heat? It's almost comical to think having a big penis equates to good sex, because, honestly -- and this is something I wish I could scream at my early something self -- that's just total bullshit. Because those are still great. But it does mean how you use it will almost always trump size.
No longer do you need to hide your monster manmeat behind the shroud of trousers — now you can dangle it as bait on the internet, attracting women who only care about one thing: your enormous schlong. First and foremost, get out your ruler and measure your package. Are you at least 7 inches? Great, you're in. You're six and three-quarters inches? You will be relegated to the tiny ween dating site called Match. Those who've established that they're packing should fill out a profile.